Review That Review with Chelsey Donn & Trey Gerrald
Episode 116: "King Spa & Sauna: 1 vs. 5 Stars"
Transcription
*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!
[00:00:00] THEME SONG: Everybody's got an opinion.
Every Californian and Virginian.
It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore.
Someone's gotta settle the score.
Trey and Chelsey will help you choose!
Whose views win, which ones lose.
Online haters are comin' for you!
Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
[00:00:30] Chelsey Donn: Hello.
[00:00:31] Trey Gerrald: Hello and welcome to Review That Review. We are the podcast that is dedicated to reviewing,
[00:00:41] Chelsey Donn: Reviews! That's Trey Gerrald.
[00:00:45] Trey Gerrald: and that is Chelsey Donn. But when we come together, we're the dynamic duo known as.
[00:00:51] VOICEOVER: The review Queens.
[00:00:55] Trey Gerrald: Chelsey 'I. Gotta know what's going on over there in your land of Lala. Are you ready too?
[00:01:01] VOICEOVER: A, Complaint.
[00:01:02] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. So much is always happening in the land of law. Law. Um, yeah, of course. I'm ready to Lodge A. Complaint 'I. Come ready, 'I.
[00:01:10] Trey Gerrald: it up?
[00:01:11] Chelsey Donn: You know it's the end of summer, but it's still Summer. 'I got this nice sort of beige lighter purse. 'I wanted A' lighter purse, I'm A' Black Purse kind of gal and 'I. Just thought A' lighter moment with my sun dresses was maybe nice.
So 'I went and 'I did that. And 'I guess like I'm 'I 'I whenever 'I go somewhere and 'I give A' promotional pen, I'm always like, 'I want the pen, right? You gotta have A' pen on you. So like 'I get. 'I had A' promotional pen from this restaurant. Was very excited about it. They were like, take it. Yeah. 'I was like, okay, amazing.
And then 'I went to my purse the other day and 'I guess it was like one of those clickable pens. And the click had clicked and it had drawn inside the purse all over. And because it was light, it was like very, very visible. And I'm just like, Irritated and annoyed 'cause thank goodness it didn't get on the outside of it, that would've been really bad.
But like now, 'I know every time 'I open it that it's there and it's bothering me. And 'I have yet to figure out how to get it out. 'I. Shout it out. 'I don't know what I'm gonna do with it, but we gotta make pens better. Guys. Like you can't just have A' pen that's gonna click on and then write all over my stuff.
'I mean be like the Review. Queen. Okay, this pen, it's A' Twist. As long as 'I have this pen twisted off, as long as I've done my due diligence, this pen's not going anywhere in my purse. All right. A' brand new purse. It's like written in like as if there was some like graffiti artist that decided to make A'.
Little doodle uhuh. 'I don't like
[00:02:42] Trey Gerrald: You know, 'I don't, 'I don't have A' Man purse, but 'I can totally see like how obnoxious that is, especially when you get burned by something that was free and fun that you
[00:02:54] Chelsey Donn: right? Exactly.
[00:02:55] Trey Gerrald: Oh, 'I, hear it. That is so maddening.
[00:02:58] Chelsey Donn: A' cap. Gimme A' twist. You know,
[00:03:01] Trey Gerrald: Mm-hmm.
[00:03:01] Chelsey Donn: Or Pen on the bed. Pen on the comforter 'I. Know that that's A' whole nother discussion, but that's A' nightmare.
[00:03:06] Trey Gerrald: Oh my God.
[00:03:07] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:03:08] Trey Gerrald: And what is ink like? Is ink oil? Like,
[00:03:11] Chelsey Donn: Oh, Donn. Don't know. That's A'. Good question.
[00:03:13] Trey Gerrald: of ink?
[00:03:14] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Don't know.
[00:03:14] Trey Gerrald: Well, 'I hear the Complaint. Very frustrating. Dinu?
[00:03:18] Chelsey Donn: That's right. Thank you for catching that.
[00:03:21] Trey Gerrald: Well, speaking of getting things out, ChelseyBD, are you interested in going head to head?
[00:03:28] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Would love to go head to head. 'I have so much to get out today and uh, let's do it.
[00:03:33] Trey Gerrald: Let's do it.
[00:03:34] VOICEOVER: Assess, That, Kvetch.
[00:03:35] Trey Gerrald: Queens today is another versus episode. And today ChelseyBD and 'I are gonna cover both A' one star and A' five star review on the same topic. Today's topic, king Spa and Sauna in Illinois.
[00:03:50] Chelsey Donn: For this verse episode that is unofficially sponsored by Grether Pastilles, the biggest box of Grether Pastilles you've ever seen in your entire life. Trade selected the one star and 'I selected the five star. So to determine who goes first, we gotta flip that brothers.
[00:04:17] Trey Gerrald: What? You've lost it, 'I. Think you've officially lost your fucking mind. Wait. Why is that box so big? It looks like, wait, it looks like those like jewelry boxes that little girls have where the ballerina pops up,
[00:04:29] Chelsey Donn: this is so 'I Love Brothers 'I. Use them whenever we record to help me lubricate my voice. 'I, use them before auditions. 'I use them when 'I have to sing. 'I, use them all the time. And 'I was at A' Pharmacy, like one of those fancy pharmacies recently, and they had this and it was like $75, but it's humongous
[00:04:48] Trey Gerrald: ChelseyBD.
[00:04:49] Chelsey Donn: so many brothers in it. And it, and then inside of it, it's so big that it has like A', baby gress inside of it.
[00:04:57] Trey Gerrald: Oh,
[00:04:59] Chelsey Donn: Should 'I flip the GREs.
[00:05:00] Trey Gerrald: 'I mean if you want. How are we gonna know?
[00:05:03] Chelsey Donn: There's A' heads and there's A' toes. So GREs on one side,
[00:05:07] Trey Gerrald: did you say? Toes? You said heads and toes.
[00:05:10] Chelsey Donn: 'I did.
[00:05:12] Trey Gerrald: Are you drunk right now?
[00:05:13] Chelsey Donn: No, I'm not. Okay. Heads and tails. Heads and tails. So there's A' on the heads, there's A' GP for Grether, pastilles, and then on the tails it's flat. So I'll know. And it's your turn. So I'm gonna flip that GREs,
[00:05:30] Trey Gerrald: You flip it.
[00:05:31] Chelsey Donn: or you tell me it heads or tails. 'I know which is which.
[00:05:33] Trey Gerrald: Okay. 'I. Amm gonna say tails.
[00:05:36] Chelsey Donn: Oh no, it fell the.
[00:05:37] Trey Gerrald: Oh fuck.
[00:05:40] Chelsey Donn: That's A'. Redo.
[00:05:41] Trey Gerrald: Okay. Flip
[00:05:42] Chelsey Donn: said tails right? It's it's heads. It's heads. It came up. Heads 'I mean You gotta read the GREs as it lies. Do you see that? Re
[00:05:53] Trey Gerrald: That is so weird. Don't eat that. Don't suck. That one. It fell on the
ground.
[00:05:58] Chelsey Donn: to. I'm gonna throw it out. We lost A' G Brothers in the process, but it was worth it.
[00:06:03] Trey Gerrald: Okay, so that means ChelseyBD is gonna share the five star in today's main episode, breaking our Streak of only One Stars on the main.
[00:06:11] Chelsey Donn: That's
[00:06:12] Trey Gerrald: So at the time of this recording, king Spa and Sauna has 1,216 reviews on Yelp with an average score of four out of five. So that's pretty good.
[00:06:24] Chelsey Donn: That is pretty good.
[00:06:24] Trey Gerrald: So according to the, from the business section on Yelp, king Spa and Sauna's, purpose is to de-stress detoxify and enhance the body's self-healing abilities by combining with earth's natural elements like salt, crystals, mud, and gold.
They have A' total of eight whirlpools in the men and women's spa, and 10 different dry saunas. In the common lounge. So wait, do you think that means there's four in each gendered side?
[00:06:58] Chelsey Donn: That's what 'I would think, right?
[00:07:00] Trey Gerrald: That's what 'I think too. Yeah. We also provide body scrubs, massages, acupressure, and A', full service restaurant to make your state even more convenient and worthwhile.
So basically they just explained what happens in every spa in sauna. So Chicago King Spa and Sauna opened in early May of 2010, and there was also another location in Dallas, Texas, which 'I thought was interesting. So with all of that background info, 'I, let's go ahead and jump right on in and consider the reviews for Kings Spa and Sauna.
[00:07:36] VOICEOVER: Review, That, Review.
[00:07:41] Chelsey Donn: All right. This review was written by Garrett y. It's A' Yelp Review. Garrett y is an elite Yelp as 'I like to consult. And this is Garrett W's five star review of King Spa and Sauna. 'I am writing this review as 'I Lounge in one of these asterisk, ugly asterisk Rococo vinyl chairs. They're quite comfortable.
This is my second time here and 'I am starting to grow A' liking to this place. 'I. If you've never been to Kings Spa before, check out the introductory video that you can watch before committing yourself for the next few hours. They do not give tours, so this is the next best thing. Short of just going in.
If you decide to take this adventure, head to the front desk and they'll check you in. You're given A' bracelet that has A' key to your locker, as well as A' FOB on which you can scan for in-house purchases. When you check out, they scan your fob and then let you know your bill. After entering, you must take off your shoes and place them into the shoe locker.
There's A' separate locker for your clothes. They don't want your street clothes trekking around the locker room, which is very clean. Okay. Next you grab one of their uniforms that you must wear in the co-ed areas. At this point, 'I decide to hit the wet areas, which consists of Whirlpool tubs and A' steam room.
Now here's the kicker. Unlike at the gym or other spas where one can wear swimsuits or robes around, one must be entirely naked. In this area? Yep. All one has is his or her birthday suit. Men and women are separated at this point, so no worries about seeing the other gender. One can also get the missed, have King's Spa scrub.
It is quite an experience and is done in A', semi secluded corner 'I, the wet area. They take you to A' vinyl or plastic covered table, and the therapist who is in his underwear basically takes A' Brillo pad and scrubs. You clean from head to toe, front and back. It's basically A' bath on A' table. After the scrub, you're given A' massage.
The treatment is definitely worth it. After having my fill of the wet area, 'I put on my uniform and head into the co-ed area. There's lounging areas and all the saunas as well as A' dining area and massage rooms. On my first trip, 'I tried each of the rooms to see which ones 'I liked the best. All of them purport to have some sort of special or healing property.
Eeg, salt, amethyst. Gold rooms, but 'I find them to be all very similar. There is an ice room to cool off in. I've had two types of massage treatments the two times I've been here. The first time 'I got the foot reflexology, which was okay. Today 'I got the acupressure deep tissue massage, which was okay as well.
It was not deep tissue. Even though 'I asked the guy for more pressure, it ended up being more of A' relaxation massage than anything. Next time 'I would skip the massages after having checked them out. They're also rather pricey.dot A' hundred and 30 for 90 minutes plus dip. Now the food is A'.
Different story. It's pretty good. I've had the sun. I've had the sun do boo soup. Chache and Curry Kat Sudan, 'I would definitely recommend the sun do boo. Perfect for A' cold day like today and after A' few hours in the heat rooms. Again, dishes are pricey, but you're A' captive audience and you can't bring outside food and drink.
There's also A' lounge area upstairs with TVs, napping areas, and A' movie theater. There's so much to do here and many families come here and spend the day. The clientele is diverse. There seems to also be A'. Lot of students that come as A' group, girl groups, couples, and even bros. This is definitely the place to come for A' Chill afternoon, especially when it's cold out. And then quickly, I'm just gonna share my screen. They did of course add A' photo as most, uh, elite reviewers do. I'm just gonna share my entire screen. So this is one of the dishes, this is the curry tongue cut. Katsu. No, katsu is like, like A' chicken cutlet. Like A' fried chicken cutlet with this curry sauce and scallions and some sliver almonds on top.
It actually looks delicious, I'm not gonna lie. It looks really
[00:13:16] Trey Gerrald: It does look good, but that is like A'. Lot of curry. It's like, looks like A' soup.
[00:13:21] Chelsey Donn: Yeah. It's kind of swimming and curry, but at least the chicken's, not all S 'I. Think it looks good
[00:13:26] Trey Gerrald: 'I. Don't think it's swimming. 'I think it's drowning.
[00:13:28] Chelsey Donn: Oh, you think it's adding? Okay. All right. Well anyway, let's talk about Garrett y first impressions, Trey.
[00:13:34] Trey Gerrald: Well, all right, so it's interesting because Garrett is really sort of leaning in, in my opinion, A' little too hard with the minute details, but 'I also recognize Garrett shares that they don't allow tours. So 'I think Garrett is taking it on themselves to like say, and then 'I walked over here and did this, and then 'I did this.
It's like A' little. Much in my opinion, but my, my pressing question is, what is Garrett's initial for their last name?
[00:14:06] Chelsey Donn: Why?
[00:14:07] Trey Gerrald: So it's not M or W for Miriam Webster, because Garrett goes on to define what A' FOB does
[00:14:17] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:14:18] Trey Gerrald: detail. Also, Garrett goes on to explain an explicit detail what naked means. Then Garrett goes into such great detail about the materials that are used inside of the spa
[00:14:33] Chelsey Donn: Yes.
[00:14:33] Trey Gerrald: first sentence about the ugly chair, then explaining the scrub where you're on A', plastic vinyl.
[00:14:40] Chelsey Donn: Right. You're right.
[00:14:41] Trey Gerrald: but, and all of that. Miriam Westering Garrett doesn't explain what the actual uniform looks like. And as someone who's never been here, what do you think the uniform is? 'I thought it would just be A' robe.
[00:14:51] Chelsey Donn: So the uniform at A', lot of these hips of spas is usually shorts and A' and A' top.
[00:14:56] Trey Gerrald: Oh, interesting. 'I. Wonder why it's not A' robe
[00:14:59] Chelsey Donn: Yeah,
[00:15:00] Trey Gerrald: yourself.
[00:15:00] Chelsey Donn: maybe. But that is true. It's like why omit that detail when we're going to such lengths here?
[00:15:07] Trey Gerrald: Why do you think ugly is an asterisk
[00:15:10] Chelsey Donn: 'I was gonna ask you about that as well. 'I think it's super, like one of the first things that drew me actually to this review, 'I saw A' five star and then 'I.
The really, because of the asterisks ugly, really pops out. And it's not often that you get A' five star review that you're like ugly. But like when you look at Garrett's review, I'm gonna show you and Patreon and anyone watching right now on YouTube. Like when you look at this review, it's the first thing you see.
[00:15:36] Trey Gerrald: It, it really does pop. Why
[00:15:38] Chelsey Donn: 'I feel like the asterisks as 'I can never say this word,
[00:15:42] Trey Gerrald: hard to say it
[00:15:43] Chelsey Donn: asterisks.
[00:15:44] Trey Gerrald: Yeah. Donn don't know. Astri 'I.
[00:15:46] Chelsey Donn: Astro could be replacing like quotes like ugly, like maybe ugly subjective.
[00:15:54] Trey Gerrald: What does Rococo mean?
[00:15:55] Chelsey Donn: Rococo is like A' type of, um, which one? 'I think it's like A'. What do you call it?
[00:16:02] Trey Gerrald: Rotan.
[00:16:03] Chelsey Donn: Thank you. That's the word 'I was
[00:16:05] Trey Gerrald: Oh, really? Oh, 'I totally made that up. But that's what 'I was imagining. This like patio
[00:16:10] Chelsey Donn: exactly.
[00:16:11] Trey Gerrald: wicker or whatever,
[00:16:12] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Think that's what 'I was picturing.
'I mean. 'I can look it up, but Roco
[00:16:16] Trey Gerrald: 'I think that that's Garrett's opinion, right? That they're ugly.
[00:16:20] Chelsey Donn: wait. Rococo is like an art form. Wait, Rococo. It's A'. More formal or cocoa Vinyl. Anyway, continue,
[00:16:29] Trey Gerrald: That's what this was, right? Rococo vinyl chair,
[00:16:31] Chelsey Donn: 'I know. That's why 'I am saying like, what? It doesn't matter. Okay, continue.
[00:16:36] Trey Gerrald: A'. Very interesting detail to lead
[00:16:37] Chelsey Donn: It is
[00:16:39] Trey Gerrald: Also 'I saw when you shared the screen that this was in 2018, which to me that sort of explains why they're saying that for A' 90 minute massage, it was A' hundred $30, and they're calling that expensive because today, God 'I wish that that would be A' hundred $30.
[00:16:55] Chelsey Donn: 'I.
[00:16:55] Trey Gerrald: 'I think that it would be unfair to label this as anything other than valuable information. 'I mean they really spell out all that it has to offer. They do tend to constantly interject their opinion about how, like the Garrett can't tell the difference between the healing properties of each room, although that doesn't mean that it, they aren't.
True. You know, like 'I just sort of was like, well, why are you sharing that? You couldn't tell the difference. Like, are you A', healer? 'I don't know. But 'I do think that there is A' lot of information here. And as someone who has not entered one of these spas, it does help to know like you are required to be nude.
[00:17:34] Chelsey Donn: Yeah, 'I mean 'I love that because 'I went to A' Korean spot for the first time without knowing any of that, and 'I was super uncomfortable when 'I was like, what do you mean 'I need to be naked? 'I can't wear A' bathing suit, but they're like, you cannot 'I. And so 'I think that this review is really interesting, like if I've never done this before, like it really breaks down the whole pro, even down to like at the spa that's near you in Fort Lake, it's the same thing.
Like you go and you take off your shoes and you put your shoes in A' shoe locker and that's like, that's before you go to the regular locker and put your clothes in the regular locker. Like that's A' very specific detail. But yeah, so 'I do think there's like A'. Lot of good information here. But then what do you think about the whole therapist in their underwear?
[00:18:16] Trey Gerrald: 'I was literally waiting to ask this question, so I'm so like, of course, we're that in sync. Justin and JC 'I was gonna ask, why is the therapist in their underwear?
[00:18:26] Chelsey Donn: 'I know, like you would think of anything. They would be in the uniform, like, and 'I would think they'd be wearing the shorts in the, in the t-shirt or
[00:18:34] Trey Gerrald: The
shirt. So as someone who has not been to A' Korean spa, 'I do know that like Russian spas, like they're very famous for like that really harsh like mitten scrubbing where it's like,
[00:18:48] Chelsey Donn: yeah. They
[00:18:48] Trey Gerrald: It all gets ripped off of you. Yes. Yeah. They hit you and stuff, but 'I feel like I'm appreciative that Garrett has included that they're in their underwear so that 'I don't feel like I'm about to be assaulted or something, but 'I think it is.
A', very odd
[00:19:02] Chelsey Donn: It is, what do we think that Garrett does for A' living? And they, they always tend to say one does this and one does that.
[00:19:10] Trey Gerrald: 'I think that they write children's books.
[00:19:13] Chelsey Donn: Oh, okay. Interesting.
[00:19:15] Trey Gerrald: See Dick. Run. Run dick. Run.
[00:19:19] Chelsey Donn: That's funny. 'I had, 'I had Yiddish with Dick and Jane and it was like,
[00:19:24] Trey Gerrald: Oh yeah. Uh, K. Fetch.
[00:19:27] Chelsey Donn: Jane k fetch.
[00:19:28] Trey Gerrald: What do you think Garrett does?
[00:19:30] Chelsey Donn: 'I think that Garrett ran the newspaper at his high school, maybe college too. They're used to having an editor because like everything is written really well. But then we have like A', few little things that 'I think would've been caught by an editor.
But 'I, 'I do think there's an academic ness here.
[00:19:48] Trey Gerrald: 'I do think that Garrett trained at the Margaret Mitchell School of Writing where you only get paid based on the number of words you include. 'cause there is too much. There's just too much word. 'I. Think the length is really long.
[00:20:00] Chelsey Donn: The length is very long. It's definitely, but that's 'I also kind of feel like that's good in A' sense for these type of reviews, because what 'I would hope is like if you don't want all this information, that you would skip
[00:20:12] Trey Gerrald: You just skip it. Right? That's true. 'I mean that is, that is interesting. One last clarifying question before 'I ask you about the spelling grammar, even though we sort of touched on it. What do you think the films are that are screened at Kings Spa?
[00:20:26] Chelsey Donn: Oh, 'I know 'I thought that was super curious. Like, do you think that it's like up or is it Korean or is it
[00:20:33] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, 'I don't know.
[00:20:34] Chelsey Donn: know. 'I. Mean 'I kind of hope. It's like how style got A' groove back. You know what 'I mean?
[00:20:38] Trey Gerrald: Can you imagine? All right, so there were some spelling, grammar errors, and 'I. Imagine they're being truthful. 'I mean the constant opinion throwing in is A' little, like obnoxious to me. But, but 'I don't think that's being shady. 'I mean if Garrett thinks it's an ugly Rococo, vinyl, okay, fine.
[00:20:55] Chelsey Donn: right. Or if they think that the food is pricey and that you're A' captive audience and all of that, that's
[00:21:01] Trey Gerrald: The King spa scrub is A' must, or as they say, A' Mist.
[00:21:04] Chelsey Donn: Right, right, right,
[00:21:06] Trey Gerrald: You think this is common fluke or typical?
[00:21:08] Chelsey Donn: 'I think this is pretty common. 'I think, well 'I, think it's just like very nerdy, you know, in an almost endearing way. Like you can watch the promotional video on the, the website where it's like how many people are actually doing that,
[00:21:23] Trey Gerrald: A'. Good question.
[00:21:24] Chelsey Donn: you know, but maybe they're the Garretts of the world are.
[00:21:29] Trey Gerrald: it, it's curious to me, 'I 'I appreciate that. Garrett spells out they had foot reflexology and it was just, okay, which 'I agree. I've had it once before in my life and I'm like, 'I don't really ever need to do that again, which is about to contradict the statement I'm about to make.
But then they got this massage that they asked for it to be harder and then it wasn't. So they just feel like they would just skip massages. But don't you think that there are A' varied list of massage therapists? Like. 'I mean 'I get, they had two and they were just fine. And also it's an added cost to the entry.
But do you think that that's saying like, do you think that you can sum up all of the parts because they've had two massages? Like don't you think there's hundreds of therapists Do.
[00:22:11] Chelsey Donn: think that there are 'I. Don't think we're that used to seeing 'I mean it happens, but like the opposite of the compliment sandwich, right? Like 'I like to say, which is like the insult sandwich or whatever, where it's like I'm gonna give these sort of insulting comments but they weren't insulting enough to keep me from giving it A' five star rating.
Like, I'm still gonna go back. 'I might not, you know, get this masseuse or something like that, or this service.
[00:22:38] Trey Gerrald: which honestly is pretty queenly, not very humorous.
[00:22:42] Chelsey Donn: No, it's not humorous. It's like an article or something like A' kind of boring article.
[00:22:48] Trey Gerrald: Yeah, it's like A', boring Vulture article.
[00:22:50] Chelsey Donn: Yeah.
[00:22:51] Trey Gerrald: 'I think 'I can Crown. Garrett, how do you feel?
[00:22:54] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Think we can go into the crowning. Let's do it.
[00:22:55] Trey Gerrald: All right. So ChelseyBD and 'I each have our own set of zero to five crown cards. Now, in an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our ratings. 'I.
[00:23:06] VOICEOVER: Queens are Tabulating
school.
[00:23:14] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Very interesting. Trey is holding up three and A' half crowns. 'I am holding up four crowns. Trey, go. First, let us know why Garrett is only worth three and A' half crowns to you.
[00:23:26] Trey Gerrald: So wait, is three and A' half, half
[00:23:28] Chelsey Donn: No baby three and A' half is one more than half
[00:23:31] Trey Gerrald: Something is so wrong with her brain. 'I. Don't know why anyway. Okay, but three and A', half, three and A' half is appropriate 'cause. Okay. 'I think it's better than middle of the road. 'I. 'I don't understand many things here. 'I don't understand the things Garrett latches onto to like overly robustly explain.
'I was gonna say 'I wish they were more photos of the interior. But 'I, imagine you're not allowed to have photos. And cameras if everyone's naked. So maybe that, but 'I thought it was just bizarre that the one photo is of the food. Absolutely no humor here, but 'I find it to be valuable. And 'I also think the insult sandwich is kind of queenly when it is A' five star.
'cause like you said, they're not being saccharine. It's not just like I'm. Pollyanna like it is sort of like 'I have discovered the things that 'I find valuable here. And honestly, 'I feel like 'I could walk into King Spa today. Armed with having read this and feel like 'I know that the,
[00:24:27] Chelsey Donn: Know what you're in for.
[00:24:27] Trey Gerrald: scrubber is gonna be in A' undies and that's fine.
So three and A' half. Very interesting. ChelseyBD, why did you do A' half more and say four?
[00:24:36] Chelsey Donn: 'I went with four 'cause 'I think this is generally A' pretty queenly. Review 'I. Do think there is A' A' audience that's gonna be alienated and not want to read Garrett's review because it is so long. And so that's why 'I couldn't make Garrett A', Review Queen. 'cause 'I just don't think Garrett is everyone's cup of tea.
But 'I do think there was A'. Lot of really. Thorough information here. Even though it wasn't funny. 'I did see A' little bit of personality in the fact that Garrett only uses multiple exclamation points. 'I found, found that funny. Um, even the ugly and the ashes like that. I've never seen that before. And 'I believe that Garrett takes his job as A' elite reviewer for Yelp, very seriously and 'I wanna honor that.
Nearly A', Review Queen, but four crowns from this Review Queen.
[00:25:24] Trey Gerrald: All right, Garrett. Shortly we will find out if you have A' leg to stand on. But in the meantime, ChelseyBD, you better get y'all king spa and sauna pants and uniform on because it is game time
[00:25:41] Chelsey Donn: uh oh. Okay.
[00:25:42] Trey Gerrald: Listeners, 'I have created A'. Very special. Game in honor of today's theme. ChelseyBD, are you ready to play? Is it A' Rub or A'? Snub.
[00:25:58] Chelsey Donn: my God. A' rubber snub. Oh my God, that sounds like A' porn.
[00:26:04] Trey Gerrald: So can you guess what this means?
[00:26:07] Chelsey Donn: Is it the name of like A' A' scrub that you can buy at A' store or is it something you made up?
[00:26:14] Trey Gerrald: Very close. Okay, so this game, I'm going to read you the name of A' Spa Treat Nut, and you're gonna tell me if it exists, it's A' Rub, or if Trey made it up. It's A' Snub.
[00:26:27] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Got it. Okay.
[00:26:28] Trey Gerrald: All right, so here we go. There's 10 of them, and here we are. ChelseyBD. 'I. Want you to tell me.
[00:26:33] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Okay.
[00:26:35] Trey Gerrald: Is the sriracha, exfoliating scrub, A' Rub or A' Snub?
[00:26:42] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. God. 'I. Hope that's A'. Snub. 'cause it sounds like it would burn 'I. Woo. Okay.
[00:26:53] Trey Gerrald: 'I made that up. All right. ChelseyBD is the kitten massage, A' Rub or A' snub.
[00:27:08] Chelsey Donn: gonna say rub, but 'I feel like 'I could have different meanings. So Donn. Don't know. Rob, Rob. Rob. What?
[00:27:18] Trey Gerrald: Oh,
[00:27:18] Chelsey Donn: so can 'I tell you what 'I thought it was? 'I thought. A'. Kitten could scrub, could either be like this, like for A' child, like it's like really like gentle, or it could be the
[00:27:27] Trey Gerrald: like the bunny slope.
[00:27:29] Chelsey Donn: like the bunny slip.
Or it could be the opposite, which is like very dirty. So that was sort of like just disturb my mind. A' little bit, but
[00:27:35] Trey Gerrald: Well, 'I love where your brain went. 'I, A', 'I made that up because there actually is A' Snake massage where they literally put 70 snakes on top of you and they just wiggle around and their little bodies and the bumps like so. 'I thought instead of that 'cause 'I thought you might know about that. So 'I said A' kitten
[00:27:56] Chelsey Donn: No, I've never heard of that. That sounds like an absolute nightmare.
[00:28:00] Trey Gerrald: Okay, here we go.
[00:28:01] Chelsey Donn: Okay.
[00:28:02] Trey Gerrald: ChelseyBD is the sperm lotion treatment A' Rub or A' snub.
[00:28:11] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. 'I am gonna say snub, but if it's rub like what the fuck? It's A' Rub. Where?
[00:28:23] Trey Gerrald: All right, so there is A' London Salon that combines pedigree, Aberdeen Angus Bull sperm. Katera root from an Iranian plant that forms A' protein packed powerhouse. That's recommended for anyone who has fine over-processed hair or frizzy hair. So it's A' hair treatment and it's A' $100. Isn't that disgusting?
[00:28:50] Chelsey Donn: That is so gross. Oh, my 'I almost choked on my brothers.
[00:28:56] Trey Gerrald: Oh no. Well, you have 9 million others. Okay, ChelseyBD. Is the garlic an onion sauna, A' rub, or A' snub?
[00:29:10] Chelsey Donn: 'I am gonna say, rub what? Trey. How'd you get so good at tricking me?
[00:29:18] Trey Gerrald: Unfortunately that one is fake. Can you imagine how bad that would.
[00:29:22] Chelsey Donn: It would be bad, but the thing is that you can put like onions and garlic in your socks and it's like really detoxifying.
[00:29:29] Trey Gerrald: Mm.
[00:29:30] Chelsey Donn: So that's why 'I thought maybe it was real.
[00:29:32] Trey Gerrald: Maybe we're onto something, you and 'I.
[00:29:34] Chelsey Donn: Check out your Queenly, garlic and onion spa coming your way soon. Brought to you by GREs. Yep.
[00:29:41] Trey Gerrald: is the Fecal Facial A' Rub, or A' Snub.
[00:29:46] Chelsey Donn: Trey Gerrald. Trey Gerrald.
[00:29:53] Trey Gerrald: That's my name.
[00:29:54] Chelsey Donn: Everything in me wants to say no. But do 'I say yes? 'cause I've been getting so many wrong. I'm gonna say yes, but that's the grossest thing I've, that's even grosser than the cu Oh my God, that is so
[00:30:08] Trey Gerrald: you are correct. So there is A' Santa Fe Spa
[00:30:14] Chelsey Donn: What?
[00:30:14] Trey Gerrald: that offers the Nightingale cleansing mask, which includes A' powder that is composed of quote unquote. Sanitized droppings from these tiny little bird called the Wonder Bird.
[00:30:30] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God. Okay.
[00:30:32] Trey Gerrald: The high nitrogen content draws out bacteria from the skin and breaks down dead skin cells more gently than an acid peel.
This has been used actually for centuries by Geisha and Japan.
[00:30:46] Chelsey Donn: Okay. Okay. But still 'I.
[00:30:48] Trey Gerrald: um, quote unquote, an all natural way to brighten and smooth your skin. The cost is A' hundred $15 for them to smear bird shit on your face. All right, so here we go. We're halfway ChelseyBD is the beer bath, A' rub or A' snub?
[00:31:04] Chelsey Donn: Ooh, 'I. Hope it's A' rub. That sounds good. Okay. Okay. Okay.
[00:31:12] Trey Gerrald: All right. Now you're tied.
[00:31:13] Chelsey Donn: tied it up. She tied it up. All right.
[00:31:15] Trey Gerrald: So the beer bath, they exist in many places. There are vitamins inside of the beer bath that were popularized in the Czech Republic, and they just rejuvenate your pores and relieve tension in your
[00:31:25] Chelsey Donn: Okay. All right. That sounds not as bad as the come or the do-do.
[00:31:29] Trey Gerrald: Exactly. And hilariously the beer bath is 40 bucks.
[00:31:34] Chelsey Donn: Oh, okay. That's pretty cheap.
[00:31:36] Trey Gerrald: All right, ChelseyBD is the Ramen bath, A' Robber, A' snub.
[00:31:42] Chelsey Donn: Ooh. I'm gonna say A' snub. Even though that sounds delicious. That's A' Rub.
[00:31:51] Trey Gerrald: Yes.
[00:31:52] Chelsey Donn: You could just swim in Ramen
[00:31:54] Trey Gerrald: There are Japanese spas that offer bathing in the broth of ramen, replete with noodles, collagen, and garlic extracts that can improve one's skin and metabolism. And that cost is 35 bucks.
[00:32:09] Chelsey Donn: When 'I can swim in Ramen
[00:32:11] Trey Gerrald: Isn't that so crazy?
[00:32:12] Chelsey Donn: like, that's like A' dream. Like 'I always wanted to swim in like meatballs and spaghetti or something. 'I don't know.
[00:32:17] Trey Gerrald: 'I. Mean 'I. Guess if you can like the benefits of bone broth, like why not swim in
[00:32:21] Chelsey Donn: 'I know 'I like that. Okay. That's interesting. 'I would do that one. 'I would do that. One 'I would do the beer one so
[00:32:27] Trey Gerrald: Okay, so we have three more. Here we go. ChelseyBD is the golf ball, massage A' Rub, or A' Snub.
[00:32:36] Chelsey Donn: God. A' rub. Woo.
[00:32:44] Trey Gerrald: Tied again. All right, so this was developed in the golf capital of the southwest of the United States of America. This massage uses warmed golf balls that they roll along the large muscles on either side of your spine.
[00:32:59] Chelsey Donn: Honestly, 'I bet you that would feel freaking great.
[00:33:02] Trey Gerrald: 'I know the effect of this treatment is purported to help diminish tension, and this is $210 for 80
[00:33:10] Chelsey Donn: Wow. That's A'. That's A' hefty price tag.
[00:33:13] Trey Gerrald: Okay, last two ChelseyBD is the nails on A' Chalkboard Sound Bath,
[00:33:18] Chelsey Donn: No.
[00:33:19] Trey Gerrald: or A' Snub.
[00:33:20] Chelsey Donn: that's gotta be A' Snub. That's gotta be A' snub. That's gotta be, I'm like so uncomfortable. Just even you saying that. Please let there be A' snub.
Oh
[00:33:28] Trey Gerrald: are right.
[00:33:29] Chelsey Donn: That would be like that. That and the snakes. Oh my, that's, that's how, that's how,
[00:33:36] Trey Gerrald: All right, well get ready. Last but not least, ChelseyBD is the snail's slime moisturizer, A' rubber A' snub.
[00:33:51] Chelsey Donn: That's A' Rub.
[00:33:52] Trey Gerrald: She knowingly shakes her head.
[00:33:55] Chelsey Donn: That's A' Rub. And she won.
[00:33:58] Trey Gerrald: You've heard of that one.
[00:33:59] Chelsey Donn: It sounded like something enough that 'I was like, okay, that sounds like that's real.
[00:34:03] Trey Gerrald: So Chilean snail farmers, what A' job noticed that their hands were softer and smoother, and that little small cuts healed more quickly without infection. That is how snail slime became A' moisturizer. You can actually purchase snail slime moisturizer priced at 28.99 for A', 1.3 ounce jar online as A' remedy for dry and flaky skin.
[00:34:30] Chelsey Donn: Or you could buy your very own Review That Review snail slime at Review That Review dot com slash shop.
[00:34:38] Trey Gerrald: Those will be available as soon as ChelseyBD harvests them.
[00:34:45] Chelsey Donn: Oh
[00:34:45] Trey Gerrald: All right, Eva, you won. Congratulations. Way to kill it.
[00:34:51] Chelsey Donn: Thank you.
[00:34:55] VOICEOVER: Review, That, Review.
[00:34:59] Chelsey Donn: All right. We are back from that rousing game break and try. It's your turn.
[00:35:04] Trey Gerrald: Rousing for those bowls. Heyo.
[00:35:06] Chelsey Donn: right. Hey.
[00:35:08] Trey Gerrald: Yay. All right, Queens. So today 'I am covering that one star flip side review from Yelp. And today, very interesting. First time on the show, 'I have sourced A' review from that not recommended
section on Yelp. And this was written by someone named Juan e
[00:35:29] Chelsey Donn: okay.
[00:35:31] Trey Gerrald: Juani. 'I just realized.
[00:35:32] Chelsey Donn: 20
[00:35:33] Trey Gerrald: And this was written in 2012.
[00:35:36] Chelsey Donn: 'I. Can't wait to hear that. 'I love that section. 'I. 'I should peruse there
[00:35:40] Trey Gerrald: Well get ready because without A' spoiler, you're gonna be exceedingly TreyGerrald and 'I am gonna get exceedingly TreyGerrald 'I. So Pow, pow Juan is gonna TreyGerrald both of your hosts. So if you want to hear the flip side of Garrett's languishing five star insult sandwich review, then you gotta go over and join our Patreon to hear it.
[00:36:03] Chelsey Donn: That's right. Join us for the opposite review as well as A' brand new round on the Mel around right now at Review That Review dot com slash patreon.
[00:36:18] Trey Gerrald: Yes, sir. Available only to our members at Review That Review dot com slash patreon. Well Queen we did it. That has been another full rotation on the R Ru A' R Q Ferris Wheel of Ugly Rococo sperm from bulls and fecal facials.
[00:36:40] Chelsey Donn: God. That's right. Thank you for joining us today. If you like what you heard, please tell A' friend.
[00:36:46] Trey Gerrald: If you did not like what you heard, please tell an enemy
[00:36:49] Chelsey Donn: If you'd like to support the production of our show, visit Review That Review dot com slash donate or even A' dollar tip will help me pay off my brother's pastilles.
[00:37:00] Trey Gerrald: and help us source those um snails.
[00:37:03] Chelsey Donn: Yes,
[00:37:04] Trey Gerrald: Join our mailing list at Review That Review dot com to stay up to date with all of the goings on in the queendom
[00:37:09] Chelsey Donn: hit up our voicemail, 1 8 5 0 review zero. You can also follow us on all the socials at the review Queens 'I am at ChelseyBD
[00:37:20] Trey Gerrald: And 'I am at Trey Gerrald. So to hear or watch that one star review from Yelp for King Spa and Sauna on this week's after Show Companion podcast. Then once again, y'all, you gotta go and join our Patreon. If you haven't yet, you can do that at Review That Review dot com slash patreon so that you can find out what made ChelseyBD say.
[00:37:43] Chelsey Donn: Whoa, Trey. Okay, that is, so you didn't do this on purpose and to find out what made Tre say.
[00:37:52] Trey Gerrald: So again, you can count on the gaze to be in the locker area. Looking for junk to drool over slash on.
[00:37:59] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God.
[00:38:02] Trey Gerrald: I'm A' Ball.
[00:38:07] Chelsey Donn: Oh my God.
[00:38:08] Trey Gerrald: remember
[00:38:09] Chelsey Donn: Ignore the haters. You're A'. Queen
[00:38:12] Trey Gerrald: Agenda, nonspecific Queen.
[00:38:17] Chelsey Donn: bye
Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.
[00:38:36] Trey Gerrald: 'I. Can't believe you bought that Giant Brothers for it literally looks like A' jewelry box. That's how
[00:38:41] Chelsey Donn: It's, it's like very heavy as well. Like, it's not maybe coming across on camera, but like, it's humongous. You guys, it's like when you go to like, it's like you go to one of those ice cream stores and they have like A', uh, sour Patch Kid that's like the size of your head. It's like the equivalent of that for Brothers 'I.
Love it.
Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash
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