Review That Review with Chelsey & Trey
Episode 187: "RE-VIEW: Planet Fitness (From Ep 30)"
Transcription
*Please pardon any and all spelling errors!
[00:00:00] TREY GERRALD: Happy New Year, Queens! This is going to be our final Review Review That Review episode. We are now in the year 2025. Something so exciting is happening next Wednesday, but until we get there, here we are. We are going to Review Review That Review episode 30. This was our very first New Year's episode, and boy oh boy are we going to get Controversial.
This episode originally aired on December 29th of 2021. Aw, what simpler times. And it originally contained two complaints, two Royal Highness inductions, and a very hilarious review of Nikki Beach. So let's jump back in to episode 30. And hey, while you're at it, why don't you head on over to Spotify or Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening right now and give us a five star review.
Chelsey and I are so excited for next week. Enjoy this final installment of Review, Review That Review, and if you head on out to the gym, make sure you keep your eyes down. Love you, Queens. Mwah.
[00:01:09] VOICEOVER: Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's gotta settle the score., Trey and Chelsey will help you choose, Whose views win which ones lose, Online haters are coming for you, Baby, it's time to Review That Review!
[00:01:47] TREY GERRALD: Hey, everyone. Welcome to Review That Review. We are the podcast dedicated to reviewing
[00:01:52] CHELSEY DONN: Reviews! We're just like Siskel and Ebert. Only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews. Trey, you all right?
[00:02:05] TREY GERRALD: Oh, I'm trying to put these stupid glasses on.
[00:02:08] TREY GERRALD: These um, Happy New Year They're like paper. I bought these New Year's glasses. Thinking they were real, but they're paper
[00:02:17] CHELSEY DONN: they r and d paper. But you look amazing.
[00:02:20] TREY GERRALD: I'm wearing New Year's glasses for the Patreon. Anyway, that voice is Chelsea Dawn,
[00:02:25] CHELSEY DONN: and that voice is Trey Gerald.
[00:02:27] TREY GERRALD: And together our voices form
[00:02:29] CHELSEY DONN: the review queens.
[00:02:33] CHELSEY DONN: And you are an R cutie, if I might say so myself. Trey looks so dapper. You guys, first of all, he's sporting a very. Dapper mustache. The hair is perfect. The glasses, even though they're paper, are very chic. And they have a crown on them. They have a, Oh my God. Yes. I didn't even notice the crown. They say Happy New Year.
[00:02:55] CHELSEY DONN: Trey has a bow tie on and a nice like tux moment and a tinsel boa.
[00:03:02] TREY GERRALD: This is actually a Hanukkah boa that I left out, but it's silver. So. It very much works.
[00:03:09] CHELSEY DONN: Yes,
[00:03:11] TREY GERRALD: anyway, how is your week going, Chelsey?
[00:03:14] CHELSEY DONN: My week is going great. I'll just start by saying that, So Trey was like, we should dress up because it's New Year, you know, our New Year's episode.
[00:03:21] CHELSEY DONN: And I was like, oh yeah, I have this like perfect dress that's black and it has these gold dots on it, but I haven't worn it since pre, COVID. So there's a little worry that it was going to be tight and it's like loose. So Mazel Tov. So the whole like, yeah, I mean, I feel great. So that's very exciting. My week has been good.
[00:03:41] CHELSEY DONN: I started going, I think I maybe mentioned that I started going to acupuncture again, which has been life changing. Obsessed. He told me that I needed to sleep on my left side. That's very, very important. Apparently, are you a side sleeper?
[00:03:56] TREY GERRALD: I am a side sleeper.
[00:03:57] CHELSEY DONN: Do you know if you sleep on your left or your right side?
[00:04:00] TREY GERRALD: I switch. I go back and forth.
[00:04:01] CHELSEY DONN: Apparently it's unhealthy to sleep on the right side. It's healthy to sleep on the left side. And I've been switching and I really, I don't think it's psychosomatic. I feel better. I wake up more awake. I, my acid reflux, I have an acid reflux issue. Much better. So I don't know.
[00:04:18] CHELSEY DONN: I'm just going to keep doing it, even though it does disrupt my sleep a little bit, cause I'm not used to it. You know, new year, new side sleeper, left sider for me.
[00:04:26] TREY GERRALD: It's probably something with like the heart and whatever, you know, I did buy the specific pillow that is like indented in the center, but it's
[00:04:35] CHELSEY DONN: four side sleepers.
[00:04:37] TREY GERRALD: Yes. Yes. But it's like the most comfortable I've ever laid on my back and I can't get comfortable laying on my back. But yeah, I'm definitely a side sleeper.
[00:04:45] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah. How's your week been otherwise?
[00:04:47] TREY GERRALD: Good. I've been a little hesitant to share this,
[00:04:50] CHELSEY DONN: but
[00:04:51] TREY GERRALD: I have recently been investigating what it means to become a runner.
[00:04:56] TREY GERRALD: And so I downloaded an app called Couch to 3K, Couch to 4K.
[00:05:02] CHELSEY DONN: Okay.
[00:05:03] TREY GERRALD: And I'm just, you know, I'm just in week two. I'm at the beginning of week three. It's three runs a week and it's been going great. And I've already lost four pounds.
[00:05:12] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my God. Look at us just apparently losing weight or body mass
[00:05:17] TREY GERRALD: or something.
[00:05:17] TREY GERRALD: But I can feel it. Like my knees, you know, it's like gives me the excuse to take a bath every night, which I love doing, but I can, you know, I can just feel like my joints and all of that, but I got fitted for like professional running shoes and I'm like doing it really real. And of course it's like snowing.
[00:05:33] TREY GERRALD: So like, Oh, true. I picked the worst season to become a runner, to start
[00:05:37] CHELSEY DONN: running,
[00:05:38] TREY GERRALD: but I'm so into it. I love it. And, um, I'm wondering if maybe talking about weight
[00:05:44] CHELSEY DONN: is a
[00:05:44] TREY GERRALD: good segue into
[00:05:46] CHELSEY DONN: Large complaint. Trey, I just feel like it's a new year. We got to bring in that positive energy. So I'm thinking for this episode, let's not lodge a complaint, though we know we both have tons to lodge, but for today in honor of New Year's, do you have a resolution?
[00:06:03] TREY GERRALD: Let's do it. Let's do resolutions instead.
[00:06:06] VOICEOVER: Come on and make a change, change, change, change, change it, change it, change it, change it, change
[00:06:11] TREY GERRALD: it, change it, change it, change it. Well, if anyone knows where that sound cue is from. You're hilarious. Chelsey, what is your resolution?
[00:06:22] CHELSEY DONN: Thank you for asking, Trey. So I've really been trying to get More micro with my resolutions.
[00:06:30] CHELSEY DONN: Cause I feel like in the past I've always done the typical resolutions where I'm like, I'm going to lose weight. I'm going to do these things that feel very overwhelming. And last year, my New Year's resolution, which I think I mentioned was to accept compliments, which I thought was great because you know, anytime something like that would come up, I would, I would think about it and it was very helpful.
[00:06:49] CHELSEY DONN: So this year I thought, what can I, what can I add to my life that doesn't feel too taxing, but that could help me a lot.
[00:06:56] TREY GERRALD: Yeah.
[00:06:56] CHELSEY DONN: And I was thinking, I want to commit to meditating,
[00:07:00] TREY GERRALD: but
[00:07:03] CHELSEY DONN: just once a week to start, you know, just once a week can be a short guided meditation and also like sound healing. Like any of that stuff that I like to do that counts, but just to try to do it with consistency.
[00:07:17] CHELSEY DONN: So that's my New Year's resolution is to meditate once a week. It feels not too daunting, which is what I look for in a New Year's resolution these days.
[00:07:26] TREY GERRALD: I think that's smart setting yourself up for success. You know, the whole thing about a habit is however many hours and you got to start small. You know, that's what this running app has been for me is like small, achievable actions.
[00:07:38] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah,
[00:07:39] TREY GERRALD: I'm not trying to run a marathon yet. I'm trying to, like, encourage running.
[00:07:42] CHELSEY DONN: I really like the name of the app. It just makes you feel good. Like, Oh, yes, I was on the couch.
[00:07:48] TREY GERRALD: Yeah, totally.
[00:07:49] CHELSEY DONN: Now I'm gonna, like, Ease my way. We're all about easing our way into 2022. Let's be honest, we've been through a lot the past couple of years,
[00:07:58] TREY GERRALD: but I love this.
[00:07:58] TREY GERRALD: We can, maybe we can periodically, um, check in, see if we need to support one another in our resolutions.
[00:08:05] CHELSEY DONN: Love, I would love to be your accountability buddy,
[00:08:08] TREY GERRALD: Listeners too,
[00:08:09] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, right, Awesome, And also call in, leave a voicemail, Let us know your new year's resolution, And maybe we can remind you on the show or something, Help keep you accountable,
[00:08:17] TREY GERRALD: Actually, let's do that, Please call in our voicemail box and leave us a voicemail telling us what your resolution is, Maybe it's something we can like focus on for the month of January, Maybe even throughout the year, You know, there's nothing more powerful than wanting to be better.
[00:08:33] TREY GERRALD: So, 1 850 REVIEW ZERO.
[00:08:36] CHELSEY DONN: Call us up. I was gonna say there might be one thing, Trey, that is more powerful than that.
[00:08:42] TREY GERRALD: Tell us, what is it?
[00:08:44] CHELSEY DONN: I think it's online reviews and the people who leave them!
[00:08:47] TREY GERRALD: Girl, you're profesh. Look at that segue. Who are you, Wendy Williams? Well, I think that we should jump in because, as you all know, Chelsey and I are your trusty Review Queens.
[00:09:00] TREY GERRALD: We each bring in a review from the Internet that we feel needs to be inspected.
[00:09:04] CHELSEY DONN: We read the review, we break it down and rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns. It's a very regal process that we call Assess That Kevich. And this week, Trey and I are each sharing reviews from the Internet that are centered around New Year's Eve, because you guys know we love a special edition episode.
[00:09:24] CHELSEY DONN: So this, of course, is our special edition New Year's episode. And your first today, RQT. Oh,
[00:09:32] TREY GERRALD: New Year, new me.
[00:09:33] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, take it away, RQ, Review That Review!
[00:09:42] TREY GERRALD: Okay, so today, I was really thinking, when I think of the new year, what are things I think of? And I do think of Times Square, which we've thoroughly covered in this first year of the podcast.
[00:09:57] CHELSEY DONN: Yes.
[00:09:58] TREY GERRALD: So I was like, I don't want to do Times Square, but I want, like, what do I think of when I think of the, like, rockin New Year's Eve? And I think of, like, all the funny hats that everyone wears. And people tend to be wearing funny Planet Fitness hats, because Planet Fitness, while having a sponsorship with the television show, The Biggest Loser, took an initiative to sponsor New Year's Rockin Eve for many years in a row, which is why you would see 8 billion commercials for Planet Fitness and all those purple and yellow Planet Fitness hats.
[00:10:34] TREY GERRALD: So today, I have a three star review from Yelp written by Matthew Q for Planet Fitness.
[00:10:46] CHELSEY DONN: Let's hear it. Isn't Planet Fitness the one that like, it's like a dollar a month or it's something like fair. It's not a dollar, but like it's something very,
[00:10:54] TREY GERRALD: very cheap. It is interesting. So Planet Fitness. This is like a nationwide gem that is traditionally anywhere between 10 a month or 20 a
[00:11:03] VOICEOVER: month,
[00:11:03] TREY GERRALD: and it was one of the first sort of very cheap cost gems.
[00:11:10] TREY GERRALD: Yeah. Okay, glad
[00:11:11] CHELSEY DONN: I
[00:11:11] TREY GERRALD: know that. All right. So here we go. Here is Matthew Q's three star Yelp review for Planet Fitness.
[00:11:19] CHELSEY DONN: Can't wait.
[00:11:20] TREY GERRALD: LOL. Where to start? When I first came here and went to the changing room for the first time, I see is a swing dick. I thought this was a gay gym, so I want downstairs and demanded a refund, cause damn, this can't be an everyday thing, but they insisted this wasn't, so we LOL it off.
[00:11:49] TREY GERRALD: So a month in, I notice I get looked at That's like the at symbol. A lot by these hungry looking females. So I'm thinking, damn, I guess the girls in here like working their arms because I'm always on the upper body machines. But I was wrong. See, the name Planet Fitness is only 50 percent accurate, but it's not a planet for fitness.
[00:12:17] TREY GERRALD: It's a planet filled with some of the most thirstiest, dehydrated thoughts, In a concentrated area, The sexual frustration was real, So I made the George Bush decision, In almost getting with on of them, Until VV Cloths was off, Reverted story short, I came to the conclusion, That 70 percent of the girls in there got toxic pussies,
[00:12:53] TREY GERRALD: They probably wash their coochies in the East River,
[00:12:58] CHELSEY DONN: Stop it,
[00:13:00] TREY GERRALD: If I had stuck my dick in there, It would have spontaneously combusted,
[00:13:06] VOICEOVER: Oh my god,
[00:13:08] TREY GERRALD: Also, if you want machines, go there at midnight, Way better.
[00:13:15] CHELSEY DONN: Oh my friggin God. Okay. Matthew is giving that other guy, what was his name? The Pillsbury
[00:13:22] TREY GERRALD: guy.
[00:13:23] CHELSEY DONN: Oh yeah. The OkCupid guy, a real run for his money. Isn't this crazy? Okay. This is so crazy for so many reasons. Number one, I don't understand some of the words in this review. Am I just like, I mean, I just looked up thought because I was like, I feel like I've heard that one.
[00:13:40] CHELSEY DONN: So that's a woman who has many casual sexual encounters or relationships. What is with like the attack on women and also like the Dick thing in the in the dressing room. What what was he referencing?
[00:13:52] TREY GERRALD: So it does appear just off the bat Matthew did not do a spell check.
[00:13:57] CHELSEY DONN: Obviously, right?
[00:13:58] TREY GERRALD: So Thought it's funny to me that you didn't know thought but there's no judgment thought.
[00:14:04] CHELSEY DONN: Why thank you. I've heard it before
[00:14:06] TREY GERRALD: Planet Fitness is a no judgment zone. That's their slogan thought is an acronym and it stands for that hoe over
[00:14:15] CHELSEY DONN: there. Okay.
[00:14:16] TREY GERRALD: Which can be any gender, any gender, men are lots of times hoes, non binary people can be hoes as well.
[00:14:23] CHELSEY DONN: Well, that's, I mean, that's really my biggest complaint with this review is like, why are we narrowing in on the women?
[00:14:30] CHELSEY DONN: Why are we attacking the women here? Like, all of a sudden, the women are thoughts. I know some thirsty guys at gyms, too. Well,
[00:14:38] TREY GERRALD: it sounds like it sounds like Matthew was thirsty.
[00:14:40] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, it sounds like Matt. I mean, he carried through with at least one of these women that he's, you know, well,
[00:14:48] TREY GERRALD: I don't know, because It says, I came to the conclusion that 70 percent of the girls in there.
[00:14:55] TREY GERRALD: So as Matthew, a mathematician, like how did they get the average of 70%? Also, they sort of are very homophobic in the beginning. Well, that's what
[00:15:06] CHELSEY DONN: I was asking. What, like, what were they saying they saw?
[00:15:10] TREY GERRALD: It says the first thing I see is a swing dick. I think they left out like a swinging
[00:15:15] CHELSEY DONN: dick.
[00:15:15] TREY GERRALD: That's what I think.
[00:15:16] TREY GERRALD: Like
[00:15:16] CHELSEY DONN: somebody has. there, the, their dick out in the locker in
[00:15:20] TREY GERRALD: the locker room, which they call changing room, and then they immediately went downstairs cause they thought this was a gay jam, they can't go to a gay jam, I feel grossed out Okay, and then, there's just a lot of misspelling. Every time the word, I, is here, unless it's at the beginning of a sentence, it's lowercase, um,
[00:15:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, spelling was terrible.
[00:15:39] TREY GERRALD: They used the at symbol twice.
[00:15:41] CHELSEY DONN: Doesn't bother me as much.
[00:15:44] TREY GERRALD: Like, it
[00:15:45] CHELSEY DONN: is colloquial, but we all know what it means, at least. So, yeah, that's an
[00:15:50] TREY GERRALD: interesting point. Yeah, I don't, yeah, yeah.
[00:15:53] CHELSEY DONN: It's not scholarly Review Queen y, but it's not like a demerit for me.
[00:15:58] TREY GERRALD: You know, also, it says, like, I made the George Bush decision and almost getting with On, but I think they mean one, getting with one of them, until, wait, wait,
[00:16:11] CHELSEY DONN: almost getting with one,
[00:16:13] TREY GERRALD: and almost getting with one of them until the, the, cloths, but it should be clothes, and it's only one the.
[00:16:21] TREY GERRALD: Okay,
[00:16:23] CHELSEY DONN: so, so what we're claiming, Matthew, which, again, doesn't, I don't think this holds up in a court of law, but what Matthew is claiming is that he went on a date with one of them or whatever it was, or took one of them home, they took their clothes off, and then he was like, get out of here, you thought,
[00:16:40] TREY GERRALD: I guess, I'm also recognizing here that twice Matthew Q speaks in percentages, saying that Planet Fitness is only 50 percent accurate, and then the conclusion that 70 percent of the girls got toxic pussies spelled p u s s y s.
[00:16:58] TREY GERRALD: Is that how you would spell pussies? Wouldn't it be i e s? Oh, plural of But how do you spell turkeys? Because isn't that y s, turkeys? Turkeys. Oh, God. I don't know. I don't usually say turkeys. Because kitties, you would say kitties is I E S. I E
[00:17:15] CHELSEY DONN: S.
[00:17:16] TREY GERRALD: Puppies, I E S. So would pussies. It's probably
[00:17:19] CHELSEY DONN: I E S. I don't know.
[00:17:20] CHELSEY DONN: This conversation is making me very uncomfortable.
[00:17:23] TREY GERRALD: It's very interesting to me that you can say dick so many times and pussy. Yelp didn't flag that. I mean, I guess those are not, they're vulgar, but they're not cuss words. But like, Like, to just come across this review on Yelp is insane.
[00:17:37] CHELSEY DONN: Yeah, I mean, you obviously heard my multiple gasps.
[00:17:41] CHELSEY DONN: I even interrupted a little bit, which I apologize for, but I just, I couldn't hold back. And here's where I'm struggling with, with Matthew Q here, even, even to give them anything. Do we find any value in Matthew's review? Is there anything in here that you're like, okay, good to know?
[00:17:59] TREY GERRALD: Will they say that if you want machines, go there at midnight.
[00:18:03] TREY GERRALD: It's way better. It's the last statement. I mean, okay. The only point is that it's crowded. So go at a late time. Also, I'm thinking maybe like the locker rooms aren't very private because you can see people.
[00:18:18] CHELSEY DONN: I just think this is so gross. I hate when, I mean, I hate when anyone, like if this was reverse gender and there was a woman that was talking about like a guy's dick smelling like the East River or some shit like that, I would be, I'm not going to say equally offended because I'm a woman.
[00:18:35] CHELSEY DONN: So obviously this hits closer to home, but I would be Peeved for sure. I think it's inappropriate and crazy and I'm so grossed out. I'm going to try to like go through some of the notes that I made. I mean, LOL'd it off.
[00:18:51] TREY GERRALD: Yeah. Laughed out loud it off. So does that mean, does that mean that the people at the front desk were homophobic as well?
[00:18:58] TREY GERRALD: Because they were laughing out loud with them.
[00:19:00] CHELSEY DONN: Why are we, we're mixing, we're mixing phrases here. Let's just say laughed it off. Why is it laughed out loud it off?
[00:19:07] TREY GERRALD: Oh, good catch.
[00:19:09] CHELSEY DONN: Why, you know, we, even if it was like we LOL'd, that's, I guess, okay. I don't know. There's something about the LOL'd it off that I'm like, all right.
[00:19:19] TREY GERRALD: This review was written seven years ago and it has not been taken down.
[00:19:24] CHELSEY DONN: Oh, really? Interesting. Yes. That is crazy. You'd think like someone would have read it and reported it.
[00:19:30] TREY GERRALD: There's tons of replies on other reviews. On
[00:19:34] CHELSEY DONN: other reviews.
[00:19:35] TREY GERRALD: Yeah. So, you know, they saw it.
[00:19:37] CHELSEY DONN: Why wouldn't they report this? I don't know.
[00:19:40] CHELSEY DONN: It's very easy to report this review. I mean, I almost want to go on and report it myself because there is a sexual conduct or something. There is a category for inappropriate language. And why is this three stars? That was exactly the point I was just about to make. What, why is this three stars? Like, like, in order for you to give it a three star, which at first, before I found out the truth about Matthew Q, not leaning into the Q for any reason, but before I found out about Matthew Q, I thought, all right, I'm interested.
[00:20:16] CHELSEY DONN: I like a three star review. We've talked about this before. It's sort of middle of the road. When I read a three star review, I expect to have some positives thrown into the review, a little negative sprinkled in there, but you know, a little enough to make it feel like I needed to take off a couple stars.
[00:20:34] CHELSEY DONN: Something bad happened at this place that I really like, you know, even if it was just the swinging dick, which I think again, homophobic, but like still ew, gross, disgusting, but would make sense categorized as a three star review. If you're so offended by 50 percent of planet fitness, and you don't even want to look at any of the women that are apparently just going gaga over you, which no offense, Matthew, I kind of doubt.
[00:21:07] CHELSEY DONN: Why are you giving this? Three stars. Sounds like you hate 50 percent of it.
[00:21:12] TREY GERRALD: Well, I was thinking maybe it's three stars because this is the only place where Matthew gets attention from women that he deems are not good enough to him. Also, I didn't think the idea of seeing a swinging dick was homophobic.
[00:21:23] TREY GERRALD: I thought the idea of I thought this was a gay gym. So I went downstairs and demanded a refund because damn, this can't be an everyday thing. That was the homophobic.
[00:21:31] CHELSEY DONN: Yes, I agree. But that whole section like where I was like, I thought it was a dildo. I don't know what he was. They were talking, he was talking about, but I did think that he was alluding to something that felt immediately homophobic to me.
[00:21:48] TREY GERRALD: It's interesting. I'm trying to take myself back to seven years ago. Like, were we culturally in a place where it's like cool to say that? Cause I, I would believe that. Unless you're an extremist religious person, most straight men know, like, a lot of women are friends with gay people, so you can't, like, hate gay people, like, your women are not gonna think that's cool, like, thankfully, gay people have that going for them,
[00:22:13] CHELSEY DONN: Don't think Matthew has any level of self awareness, Who leaves this
[00:22:20] TREY GERRALD: review?
[00:22:20] CHELSEY DONN: This review is completely lacking self awareness. I don't even think it's a time thing. I don't want to give any excuses. Obviously, I can never. Really expect that people are going to see the world the way you and I see the world. I don't think seven years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years is an excuse for this kind of bigotry and not only for this kind of bigotry, but this kind of Public declaration of your bigotry as if this is okay.
[00:22:52] CHELSEY DONN: It's not okay, Matthew. I'm not pleased. I hope that in the seven years since you've written this review, there has been some growth and I will leave the option open that you can change. But the Matthew that opted to write this review not only is Extremely inappropriate, extremely hurtful, and just gross and irksome.
[00:23:19] CHELSEY DONN: You are clogging up the Planet Fitness Yelp.
[00:23:24] TREY GERRALD: In that context, it really is so weird. Like, I wonder if Matthew Q would be ashamed of this today. It is like, it's such a portrait. of, of a person's viewpoint in life. That is so unflattering. Even if you don't like gay people, even if you have an issue with that, but I think we all can understand, like, you can't speak about women like this, especially if you were wanting to have sex with them.
[00:23:51] TREY GERRALD: Like, what woman is going to read this and then be into that?
[00:23:56] CHELSEY DONN: I'm disappointed. I'm disappointed.
[00:23:59] TREY GERRALD: Okay, we've said this spelling grammar is awful. Uh, we don't really find much value in maybe the last sentence.
[00:24:05] CHELSEY DONN: No, it's not funny.
[00:24:07] TREY GERRALD: It's hilariously not funny.
[00:24:10] CHELSEY DONN: No.
[00:24:10] TREY GERRALD: So do we think, I mean, we don't even think, That Matthew's being truthful here because they're saying they've reached this conclusion after almost getting with someone and then they speak in these percentages.
[00:24:22] TREY GERRALD: Right. But like, how did you reach that mathematical conclusion? Correct. Don't trust him now. Like, I think I could crown this.
[00:24:30] CHELSEY DONN: I, I'm going to struggle to crown it because I, you know, but I will crown Matthew.
[00:24:36] TREY GERRALD: I do want to tell before we do one person has found this. Useful in the seven years, three people have marked it as funny and one person has marked it as cool.
[00:24:49] CHELSEY DONN: The only, I'm sorry, I'm flustered. The only thing that is a little reassuring about that is that it has been there for so long. And I guess only that amount of the populace, you know, is in some agreement with Matthew, which Makes me hope that the majority of people who read this are like WTF.
[00:25:09] TREY GERRALD: Literally.
[00:25:10] TREY GERRALD: All right, let's crown Matthew. So Chelsey and I each have our own set of one to five crown cards, and in an effort to be fair and not influenced by one another, we will simultaneously reveal our rating.
[00:25:24] CHELSEY DONN: The queens are tabulating.
[00:25:26] TREY GERRALD: Okay, are you ready?
[00:25:27] CHELSEY DONN: I'm ready.
[00:25:32] CHELSEY DONN: Total Score
[00:25:34] TREY GERRALD: I really thought you might do zero. I thought we were going to have a show for.
[00:25:36] CHELSEY DONN: Well, exactly. I mean, I really want it. We're both holding up a half crown. I really wanted to do zero. I don't have a zero crowns card. I, after reading Matthew's review, I think maybe I need to make one. Quite frankly, I, Trey's putting back on his New Year's glasses.
[00:25:53] CHELSEY DONN: I think there's no value here. The only reason why I was even able to muster half of a crown for Matthew was because of what you brought up. I guess I roll with the coming after midnight to be able to utilize the machines. I guess you can say a tip there. I really, really, really wanted to give Matthew Zero crowns.
[00:26:16] CHELSEY DONN: And if I was his grandmother, I would give him a spanking for sure. I mean, not in a good way, not in like a sexual way. No, a bad
[00:26:22] TREY GERRALD: one.
[00:26:23] CHELSEY DONN: A bad spanking. Anyway, Trey, why did you give Matthew half of a crown?
[00:26:29] TREY GERRALD: I did half of a crown because of that final sentence. I do think that as a gay person, there is an inherent sexual energy at a gym.
[00:26:39] TREY GERRALD: And so If I was a straight man and I was reading this, then like maybe there would be some value to me to think that like, Oh, maybe I can like hook up with people. I don't find Matthew Q to be trustworthy.
[00:26:52] CHELSEY DONN: Me neither.
[00:26:53] TREY GERRALD: So I just said half a crown because If I was similar to Matthew in morals and ethics, then maybe this would be valuable to me at that point, but it has nothing to do with Planet Fitness, there's nothing, there's no value, like, it's just, the spelling is atrocious, so, for that reason, I did half a crown.
[00:27:16] CHELSEY DONN: It needs to go, if we had like a Review Queen's equivalent to like Razzie's.
[00:27:21] TREY GERRALD: Yeah,
[00:27:22] CHELSEY DONN: for worst review ever, I think this would be a nominee for me.
[00:27:26] TREY GERRALD: I think it would be a nominee, but I do think ultimately I wouldn't want to honor Matthew any more than I have by putting him on the show. That's true. All right.
[00:27:35] TREY GERRALD: But in the meantime, Chelsey, we have officially reached the most regal portion of our show. I'm so curious. I would love for you to tell me, who are you inducting? This week for
[00:27:47] CHELSEY DONN: My Royal Highness, I had this planned and I'm going to still do it even though one of our reviewers today made me really upset.
[00:27:55] CHELSEY DONN: I'm going to make for My Royal Highness this New Year's people who write online reviews, right? I mean, we got to give it up for the people that write online reviews. We wouldn't have a show if so meta, right? But if people were not so Brave enough to at least step forward and give us their opinions. We would have no opinions to share.
[00:28:16] CHELSEY DONN: You're doing it for free. Obviously we've, we've had a few review queens on the show. We've given many people high ratings in terms of their reviews, which means that constantly we're consuming these reviews that impact where we're going to go, where we're going to spend our money, all this information.
[00:28:33] CHELSEY DONN: And I just think it's, it's. It's overdue, Trey. We have to induct the online review writers as our Royal Highness, don't you think?
[00:28:45] TREY GERRALD: It's so smart and such a great induction. There is power in sharing truth. Yes. And there's fun in reading shared shadiness. I mean, it's all about the show that we love. Exactly.
[00:29:01] TREY GERRALD: All right, my queen. Well, that's it. Happy New Year's. Happy New Year's. That is another round on the R U A R Q Ferris Wheel New Year's Bash.
[00:29:11] CHELSEY DONN: New Year's Bash. I love that. Thank you for joining us today. If you like what you heard, will you do us a special New Year's favor and tell your friends, tell your family, tell your dogs.
[00:29:22] CHELSEY DONN: Tell all the people.
[00:29:24] TREY GERRALD: And if you didn't like what you heard, tell an enemy. We would love for you to join our mailing list to stay up to date with the goings on in the Queendom. You can do so by joining the mailing list at ReviewThatReview. com or clicking on the show notes below.
[00:29:37] CHELSEY DONN: And don't forget, we want to hear from you.
[00:29:39] CHELSEY DONN: Call in, tell us your New Year's resolutions. We'll help keep you accountable. If you forgot the number, it's 1 850 REVIEW THAT REVIEW. Zero. You can also follow us on all of the socials at The Review Queens. I'm at ChelseyBD, and that's Chelsey with a Y.
[00:29:55] TREY GERRALD: And I am at Trey Gerrald. I've just put on the seventh pair of glasses, so just under the wire.
[00:30:04] TREY GERRALD: Become a member of the Royal Court where you can see all seven pairs of glasses when you join our Patreon at patreon. com slash review that review.
[00:30:13] CHELSEY DONN: And remember, ignore the haters this year and every year. You are a queen!
[00:30:19] TREY GERRALD: Gender nonspecific New Year's bash queen.
[00:30:22] CHELSEY DONN: Yes. Love it. Bye! Bye,
[00:30:25] TREY GERRALD: everyone. Happy New Year.
[00:30:27] TREY GERRALD: Happy New
[00:30:27] CHELSEY DONN: Year. Ten, nine Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect The Guilty, executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn, with editing and sound design by Trey Gerrald, with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky, our cover art was designed by LogoVora, and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.
[00:30:45] CHELSEY DONN: I
[00:30:52] TREY GERRALD: mean, talk about wild and zany. All right. Well, did you love it? Do you remember listening in 2021? Are you just teeming to get back into brand new episodes every week? Because Chelsey and I certainly are. On a very serious note, here we are at the very end. How many of you are listening right now? so much.
[00:31:08] TREY GERRALD: If you are from the bottom of me and Chelsey's heart, thank you so much for your patience as we worked on pivoting the show. We are so excited to debut next week our new chapter. Thank you for being loyal listeners and thank you for leaving a five star rating and review and see you next week.
Review That Review is an independent podcast. Certain names have been redacted or changed to protect the guilty. Executive produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn with editing and sound designed by me with voiceover talents by Eva Kaminsky. Our cover art was designed by LogoVora and our theme song was written by Joe Kinosian and sung by Natalie Weiss.
Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash
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